Case of the Flake People

There's a party on tonight, hosted by a good friend who's been going on and on about it for the last few weeks. It's not for a couple of hours yet but you're really don't feel like going, maybe you're feeling a bit sick or just lazy, but basically going is the last thing you really feel like doing. So what do you do? More than likely you probably make up some elaborate excuse so you don't seem like a jerk who just couldn't be arsed going, right?

I saw an article about this a while ago and it struck me as being something we all do all the time without any thought about its effects and how detrimental it's being to ourselves as well as the people around us. Why is it that people just can't be bothered turning up to the things they said they were really keen to go to. And why must we creat all these massive stories to excuse the fact we just decided to flake out. Whatever happened to honoring your RSVP or being honest when it comes down to why you've decide to be a no-show. And in some cases, why do we think it's OK to say yes to something then not follow through with it, without a simple call or sms to give a heads up?

In my experience (as someone who gets people flaking out on me a fait bit, and as someone who's done a fair bit of flaking out myself) there are a few reasons why we do these things. For example, say you've been invited somewhere, like a friends BBQ but you find you're still in bed and couldn't be bothered getting up to go. In most cases, instead of pushing ourselves to go, we'll find the mobile phone and send a text saying you can't make it for whatever reason pops into your head (some classic examples include taking someone to the airport, visiting someone in hospital, family issues, being called into work etc). Personally I believe we do this for two reasons; 1) because we don't want to look like an arsehole who's too lazy to bother coming to something your friend asked you to; 2) we don't want to hurt their feelings by admitting we are arseholes who are too damn lazy to make the effort to go to something they've asked you to. As for those who don't even text/call to give some warning, while it's not a very cool thing to do, I find people do this because they usually don't think anyone would notice they didn't turn up so don't see the point in highlighting the fact they won't be there. You'd be surprised how untrue that is. If a friend has personally asked you to come along to something, they will notice if you don't turn up. Just because it's a huge, rocking party doesn't mean you won't be missed, because you will be!

These days, what with just just about everyone in the world being on Facebook or other similar social networking pages, we seem to be flaking out more so than ever. It's so very easy to "accept" an invitation when all that you have to do is click "yes" or "maybe" without really thinking about whether or not you're going to be able to go at all. I'm constantly being spammed with event invites, and although most of them are from people I don't even know or for events I don't know a thing about, I always consider each one carefully so that whatever option I click I know I have been honest with my response. I know it seems kind of silly when it's just a Facebook invite, but if you ever want to stop being a flake, it's something you should start working on so that you can fix the problem in all aspects of your life. If you know you can't make it to that CD launch, club night, 21st party or whatever, then say "no" and comment to say why! If you're hovering between "yes" and "maybe" then make the decision right then and there: either you make a concerted effort to turn up or you say no. I think it's better to say no and then randomly turn up anyway, than say yes or maybe and not turn up and be a flake.

So, in conclusion, try to be more honest with these decisions (and you know, everything in life). If you do decide to flake out, be honest and don't come up with crazy/cliche excuses. No "visiting an obscure relitive in the hospital" or "I got called into work", be honest and tell them you're not up for it and apologise. Offering to make it up to them is also a nice addition (so long as you're willing to do so, that is). By constantly flaking out, you're going to end up being "that" person who never turns up to anything even after RSVPing yes. We all have at least one of those people for friends, so why would you want to become that person too?! If you say yes to an invite, then make a damn good effort to honour your word and go. So what if you were invited to three parties on the same night? If possible, go to all three. That way you've honoured your word and you've also given yourself a range of options instead of going to the one party and finding out it was a dud.

Originally published at rubyvelour.com.